“Convalescence” was my first chamber ensemble piece.
We were in the middle of autumn, right before the 2016 US Presidential Election. I was asked to write for an open reading session organized by the Seattle Composers Alliance.
It was a rare opportunity for musicians and composers to workshop their own material in a public setting.
And I had never had my work performed by live musicians before, so of course I said yes!
I started with writing the string parts – cello and viola have always been my favorite – and maybe it was just the unrelenting overcast skies we have here in Seattle, but I found myself writing something very gloomy and anguished. Grey and withering. Full of pain and loss. However, I didn’t want the song to just stay in that place. I wanted to tell a story.
I found a quote from the poet Rumi that resonated with me:
“The wound is the place
― Jalāl ad-Dīn Rūmī
where the Light enters you.”
Then I stumbled across more quotes. All of them were about wounds.
“In time, in time they tell me, I’ll not feel so bad. I don’t want time to heal me. There’s a reason I’m like this. I want time to set me ugly and knotted with loss of you, marking me. I won’t smooth you away. I can’t say goodbye.”
― China Miéville, The Scar
“Time heals all wounds. And if it doesn’t, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay.”
― Emma Forrest, Your Voice in My Head
What struck me about these quotes was the notion that grief and pain can also be a part of growth. That your experiences shape you into the beautiful human being you are today, even if the experiences themselves were terrible.
So “Convalescence” became a song about healing. A song that begins with suffering and ends with revival.
I spent about two weeks mocking up the song using orchestral sample libraries from 8dio and EastWest (these had been my go-to string instruments in all of my previous works).
Then I began transcribing the sheet music, which I couldn’t have done without the generous help of Stan LePard, composer for Guild Wars 2: Path of Fire and orchestrator for Destiny. We met up at a coffeeshop, went through my composition together, and he could hear how all of the instruments fit together just by reading the notes on the page!
Stan helped me make some small changes to notation, but he left my composition intact. He gave me confidence that what I had written was not only playable, it might actually be good!
A few weeks later, a small group of local musicians and composers gathered at The Royal Room in Columbia City, just south of Seattle. I remember handing out my sheet music to the ensemble, and then listening while they were warming up – each musician practicing some small snippet of the part I had written for them. Except all of them were playing on top of each other and out-of-order, creating a sort of abstract suggestion – almost a remix – of what the whole thing would sound like.
Michaud Savage helped me conduct “Convalescence,” tweaking and workshopping bits of it along the way. Our double bassist didn’t show, so we made an adjustment to have a trombone play the part instead. Some of the parts in the middle were simplified or removed. I actually brought two different endings for the song with me, so we performed both. And then we ran through the ending several times, bringing in more dynamics and loosening the tempo ever so slightly until it felt more and more alive.
It was magical.
Conducting for the first time was a really humbling experience for me, and I’m so grateful to have had the opportunity to make this song a reality. It wouldn’t be the same without all of the incredibly talented musicians who showed up to perform at the reading session:
Andrew Foster – violin
Terri Sandys – violin
Seth May-Patterson – viola
Nick Pozoulakis – cello
Samantha Bosch – flute
Evan Evanovich – oboe
Dexter Stevens – clarinet, bass clarinet
Christian Pincock – trombone
Special thanks again to the Seattle Composers Alliance for organizing the reading and recording session, to Stan LePard for proofreading my score, and to Michaud Savage for additional orchestration during the reading session.
Also, a huge shout-out to my friend Cassie Murphy for the incredible cover artwork.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/KittyCassandra
Recorded October 30th, 2016, at The Royal Room, Seattle, WA.
www.theroyalroomseattle.com
Mastered by Rachel Field at Resonant Mastering, Seattle, WA.
www.resonantmastering.com